ambivalent feelings

Approaching the end: of adolescence while entering adulthood, my 21st birthday is 18 days away!
And approaching the end of my time in Australia: 47 days left!! :(

Anxious: I guess all of these feelings are stemming from the fact that I'm living with an ever ticking clock counting down the remainder of my time here. It's always been there since I knew my return date before I even left, but it seems a lot more imposing now, and no wonder! Only 47 days left! Yikes! I'm beginning to get nervous about my uni work and going home. It's so bittersweet! I wanna go home, but I don't want to have to leave Australia and all my friends! And in the midst of getting anxious and nervous about everything, it's still so great to remember that I'm in Australia and what a blessing it is!

Acquainted with lost: Unfortunately, life doesn't stop just because I'm someplace new. Life back in California and at USC goes on and I have to keep up with it. This kind of double life has been very difficult to lead as it's hard to physically be here in Australia and aware, while also being responsible when physical presence is impossible in more than one place. I've had a lot of difficulty arranging housing for my final year at USC, planning my course schedule, purchasing a student season football pass and also just being bummed at missing all the wonderful things that happened this semester at USC. While each one of these things was frustrating and drawn out, they all could have been (probably) solved swiftly had I been able to house search, meet with my advisor, and go to the ticket office in person. And I'd love nothing more than to have been at USC for all the fun greek events, dance shows, softball games, birthday parties, engagement surprises, Cru meetings, Afters at Wendy's, and so on. And graduation! I'd looooove to be there to hug and congratulate and celebrate with so many dear friends. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I am becoming quite acquainted with lost on account of me being away, not that me being there would have any difference on the situation, it'd still be nice to say "good-bye" properly. So here's the list of lost: 1) Steven B. Sample, President of USC is passing the torch to Dr. Harris Pastides. 2) Greg Triplett, Director of Campus Crusade for Christ is getting married (congrats) and his stepping down to focus on his new role as a husband. I don't know who the new replacement is yet. 3) Trina Litwin (and her husband Paul), who was my discipler, is changing focuses within CCC to head up all the Destino movement in the LA area. 4) Christina Carey, my Bible study leader for 2 years, is graduating!! 5) Pete Caroll, Head Coach of the USC Trojans has left to re-join the NFL as the coach for the Seattle Seahawks. What. A. Bummer. 6)Dean Ruth Weisberg of the Roski School of Fine Arts is stepping down to return to teaching and will be replaced by Rochelle Steiner. 7) The Menlo house which I've lived in for nearly 2 years will no longer be ours come May 31st because we couldn't find enough girls to replace those that are graduating. Major bummer! That place was home and those girls were family! 8) Speaking of family, my brother Campbell and his wife are moving to North Carolina on May 20th. I haven't seen them since I left February 2nd and who knows when I'll see them again and for how long that visit will be. [tear, sniffle, sniffle]. 9) And my grandma is soo frail, I'm just praying to God that I can see her again when I return home!!!

Pretty hefty list, huh? Though they seem trivial, I could go on for hours about how much these changes will personally affect me and how I wish it wasn't so. C'est la vie, this is life. I'm just hoping maybe I can add "10) weight" to that list. Lol, we'll see how it goes! And I don't blame any of these people. Change just happens and most are great changes and I congratulate them, but it doesn't make it any less painful. But you know what, there are some major things I haven't lost. I haven't lost God's love.

"Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died– more than that, who was raised to life– is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughter.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ROMANS 8:34-39

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." PSALM 73:5-26

And I still have my mom and dad and many wonderful friends who love me. And either way, none of this will change my endpoint because my citizenship is in heaven and I can't take anything with me. Paul says,"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). I think he's got it right. I will miss all these wonderful people in my life; know that I love you!

Again: On the bright side, I fell in love with Australia all over again! :) I had just walked to get lunch with the intentions of taking it back to my room when I thought, "Why? What's so special about my room? Do I really enjoy my room that much? You're crazy Andrea!". I agreed. So I picked a bench, sat down and enjoyed the sun, the ever-changing colored leaves and the fact that I was alive, well and in Australia. I can't say what it was exactly, but it just reminded me to appreciate the small things in life, like a sunny day, clear bright blue skies, benches in the grass, and someone else's cooking! lol Take some time out today to be grateful for the little joys in life. :)

Avant-garde: Brown hair! :) Yup, I dyed it! I've always kind of wondered what I'd look like with proper brown hair instead of the gold/caramel/honey/light brown/dark blonde thing that it was for so long! Last year I dyed my hair red and that was fun! But it just wasn't the color for me. I don't have that feeling this time around. I LOVE IT! I actually feel more... myself. I feel more free to be cooky and quirky and goofy. The whole "Blondes have more fun" is just rubbish in my mind. I feel more.. blonde, if you will, now that my hair is Golden Chocolate. And doesn't that just sound yummy!? teehee!